According to Merriam-Webster, ‘alchemy’ is: “a medieval chemical science and speculative philosophy aiming to achieve the transmutation of the base metals into gold, the discovery of a universal cure for disease, and the discovery of a means of indefinitely prolonging life.”1
Although alchemy usually refers to efforts to turn base metals into gold, there are numerous stories throughout history of ‘people’ trying to turn various things into gold. One of the more famous is that of Rumpelstiltskin who spun straw into gold in exchange for the firstborn child of the future queen. Rumpelstiltskin’s plot did not end well for him. The queen ended up keeping her child and Rumpelstiltskin died! Too bad – the end!
Unfortunately, today we are faced with a different kind of alchemy and a host of charlatans who practice it. Today’s alchemy is the ability to turn bullshit into gold. Some of the most famous and successful practitioners of this ‘art’ today are: Alex Jones (founder of Infowars), Tucker Carlson (Fox News TV personality) and Donald J. Trump (former President of the United States). These people make Rumpelstiltskin look like a complete amateur.
Alex Jones, as some may know, has been pedaling various kinds of bullshit for years. He famously and loudly proclaimed the shootings hook at Sandy Hook Elementary school where 26 people were massacred, was a hoax. There was zero evidence to back up this claim and he knew it was a false claim and yet he made it anyway. It was pure, unadulterated bullshit. And why does Alex Jones propagate these types of outrageous conspiracy theories – to turn bullshit into gold.
The formula is basically very simple. You put something outrageous out there on line – you know like the headlines you see routinely in the tabloids at the checkout lines at the market – “Michael Jackson was really an alien from Planet Melmac” (remember ALF?), and if it is outrageous enough to get people to click on it – it becomes gold!! It doesn’t have to be true, it’s just got to suck people in. Once he started to build his ‘brand’, then he was able to start selling merchandise, etc. and the bullshit turns into even more gold.
Jones has been banned from most major social media platforms over his outlandish conspiracy theories and racist remarks, but he still has a following. He lost a court battle with some of the Sandy Hook parents and was ordered to pay a judgment – which then triggered him to file bankruptcy. I would bet huge sums of money that Alex Jones doesn’t believe a fraction of the stuff he throws out there. But he is astute enough to understand the modern-day version of alchemy – bullshit into gold – and it has made him a wealthy man.
Tucker Carlson and some of his colleagues at Fox News are in the same business. They are not journalists, nor do they claim to be, although many in their audience mistake them for being journalists. They are no more than carnival barkers or a dressed-up version of Rumpelstiltskin. They are willing to sell the soul of America to the devil if the crap they spew on television allows them to line their pockets and that of the Murdoch family. You can dress it up, put a suit on it and have a slick television set but it’s still alchemy – turning bullshit into gold.
And, of course, there is one of the best modern-day alchemists, Donald J. Trump. His entire career has been about turning bullshit into gold. He is a provably terrible businessman who has filed for bankruptcy multiple times, and has run several businesses into the ground. How many of us have flown on Trump Airlines – ever? However, he keeps shoveling it and so far, it keeps turning into gold. Someone didn’t coin the name, “Trumpelstiltskin” for no reason!
As I pointed out yesterday, after he legitimately lost the election (and was told by those closest to him that he lost), he managed to score over $250 million with nothing but a shovel and a barnyard of bullshit. The dictionary says that alchemy is a ‘medieval chemical science and speculative philosophy…’. I would argue that they should strike the word ‘medieval.’ As far as I can tell, alchemy is alive and well and stronger than ever today.
And for my money, the purveyors of this kind of bullshit for the purpose of making money, stink more than the guys who are actually shoveling real cow shit at the stockyards! At least that’s honest work!